Well they gave me a suit and they gave me a tie.
They gave me some slogans that I could campaign by.
They gave me predecessors and I got rid of them.
I woke up in the morning and I found I was PM.

Well they gave me a studio at the ABC
and a TV presenter to present me on TV.
They gave me a clip-on mic and said to do my best
and then the questions started; I wasn't told there'd be a test.

"Where is all the money going?" I don't want to say.
"How many boats are there?" Won't you go away?
They're all trying to bust me using my own words.
How come they won't trust me? It's liberally absurd.

Well I gave them my opinions, honest and true blue.
Well, I made some responses and surely that'll do.
I gave them a piece of my mind, it's quite small.
But you should see me in my Speedos,
I've got nothing to hide at all.

What's with all the partisanship? "Answer the question, please."
Well I won't quibble semantics... cause I don't know what it means.
Why can't you be on my side? Why must you grind that axe?
I came here to talk politics, I wasn't told that there'd be facts.

Well I went on the attack, I said they're all as mad as hatters.
And I'm being frank and honest (excluding operational matters).
I gave my final warning. I put the mate in ultimatum:
If you don't start being nice to me, I'll say you're unAustralian.

Why aren't you all running scared? It's the end of your career.
Surely being called unpatriotic is everyone's worst fear.
You've backed the wrong horse here. I'm a minister in my prime.
"That's all for today, Mister Abbott, and we thank you for your time."